When there is good will between people, little miscommunications are barely noticed. You just correct them and move on.

When  good will is absent, the smallest misunderstandings can  become giant issues.

One winter, I wound up scrambling to help a riding get election-ready on very short notice. I drove 8 hours through a  freezing rain storm to a small town in rural Ontario. When I finally arrived at the home of the campaign manager, I was stressed and exhausted.

We sat down to dinner, and immediately Buddy started in on me. How was I qualified to do this job? What did I know about the local people? (Curious question, as he was from Vancouver). How would I be able to take time away from my day job to do the work?

I didn’t appreciate the grilling, but I patiently answered all of his questions. Then he started in on me personally.

“I don’t think the locals will accept you here,” he announced imperiously. “You’re too blonde, too aggressive, too loud, and too American.”

I sighed, knowing that I simply had to work with this man if we wanted to win.  “I grew up on the Bruce Peninsula, and went to high school in Wiarton,” I pointed out. “I spent 13 summers in Renfrew County. I know a little bit about rural Ontario.”

The haranguing went on for quite some time, including a shocking number of inappropriate sexual comments.

After three long hours, he paused and said admiringly, “Wow, you can really take it. I’ve been insulting you for three hours, and you haven’t risen to the bait once.”

“I’m a trained Dale Carnegie instructor,” I shrugged. “We are taught to ignore our instinctive first impulse.” My instinctive first impulse was to give him a swift kick somewhere tender. I resisted the urge.

Months went by before an election was called. By then the entire team was in place, and headquarters was set up. Upon my arrival at the campaign office, Buddy greeted me by exclaiming, “Welcome to Sexism and Male Chauvinism Central!”

I groaned inwardly. “That’s going to make it really hard for us to recruit young, female volunteers,” I pointed out.

“Oh, we don’t have any of those,” he replied cheerfully.

“That would be my point, exactly,” I hissed through clenched teeth. Dear God, Dear Dale, please see me through this campaign…

Much to Buddy’s dismay, I hit it off famously with the local residents and was regularly invited to fun social events, while he was not.  One afternoon when he showed up in my office door.

“Do you have a Power Bar?” he asked.

I reached into my desk drawer, where I kept a stash of protein powders, Power Bars and calcium chews to help me get through long days with irregular meals. I handed him a chocolate Power Bar.

He glared at me hatefully, and left. A few minutes later he was back. “I need a Power Bar,” he snapped angrily.

I reached into my drawer a second time, and pulled out another Power Bar. “These things cost five bucks each,” I pointed out. “Don’t you eat at home?”

“I need to PLUG IN MY COMPUTER!” he shouted at me in utter frustration.

Oh…a POWER BAR!! I couldn’t help but roar laughing; soon,  I was shaking with mirth and had tears running down my cheeks.

“Yes, I bought a spare power bar,” I gasped, hauling a brand new six-banger out of my equipment box. “Here you go.”  

Buddy snatched the bar out of my hand and stomped out of the office. I was still laughing. “Can I have my Power Bars back, if you’re not going to eat them?” I called after him.  I was impressed and astonished at how a simple misunderstanding could have caused so much anger and grief. I mean, it was pretty funny, actually. Wasn’t it?

“Do you know that if you are courteous and pleasant all day during your work that you will go home at night less fatigued than if you gave way to irritation? Pleasantry, light laughs, relieves tension. It isn’t work that makes you tired, it’s your mental attitude,” Dale Carnegie wrote.

Tactfully in 1936, Carnegie did not make the point that if you are an argumentative, jealous, sexist pig, you’ll probably be tired and tense most of the  time. Today in 2012, I feel compelled to make that point for him.

Epilogue: We won by 11,000 votes.

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